Friends, in today’s world, almost every relationship, especially those between lovers or spouses, seems to be overshadowed by an unspoken tension. This tension is a warning sign, yet we often ignore it. Left unaddressed, this tension grows into cracks that can threaten the foundation of the bond. Why does this tension arise, and how can it be resolved?
Let’s delve into this thought through a story:
As usual, Vikas had just reached his office when he received a call from Ankit. Ankit informed him that he wouldn’t be coming to work that day because his mother was very unwell, and he needed to take her to the hospital. He asked Vikas to hand over a file on his desk to their boss and explain that he hadn’t finished the task but promised to complete it the next day. When Vikas inquired about the task, Ankit mentioned that it involved reconciling bank statements from the past three years. Vikas reassured him, “Don’t worry about the office or the boss. Just focus on your mother’s treatment. Trust in God—everything will be fine,” and ended the call.
Two days later, Ankit arrived at the office eagerly waiting for Vikas. His colleagues told him that not only had Vikas completed his own tasks, but he also finished Ankit’s work and informed the boss that most of it had already been done by Ankit; he merely gave it a finishing touch. Ankit also learned that Vikas had been staying late at work for the past two days, even though his own two-year-old daughter was unwell.
When Vikas arrived and sat at his desk, Ankit approached him, embraced him, and, with a choked voice, said, “Brother, you quietly did such a huge favor and told the boss I had completed most of the work. Brother, this is incredible—no one does this, not even family, and you…” Vikas interrupted, “Why, brother? Don’t you consider me family?”
Smiling, Ankit replied, “Brother, you’re more than family. I was talking about relatives.” Vikas, seating him on a nearby chair, said, “Brother, these days, relatives act like strangers, and strangers often behave like family.”
Ankit smiled and agreed, “Yes, you’re right. By the way, how is your daughter now? She was unwell, and yet you stayed late at the office. Brother, I must have caused you a lot of trouble—didn’t your wife scold you for this?” Vikas laughed, “She’s fine now. And no, nothing of the sort happened. I informed Sudha in the evening that there was an emergency at the office, and I’d be late.”
Surprised, Ankit said, “Wow, you told her, and she agreed? Your wife must be very understanding.” Vikas chuckled, “No doubt about it. Also, clapping requires two hands, and in our home, things never escalate to that point. In times of trouble, we only focus on solving the problem.”
Ankit, astonished, asked, “Does that mean you two never argue or have conflicts?” Vikas laughed again, “Brother, you’re not married yet, so you don’t know. Most conflicts between spouses happen over trivial matters. It’s because they hesitate to share their feelings, problems, or sorrows with each other. And when they do share, the other person either dismisses them or mocks them. This creates frustration, and they start venting over insignificant issues. In such moments, even a minor slip of the tongue can lead to days of tension.
“This isn’t limited to husband-wife relationships anymore; it’s happening in every relationship. This frustration is like a termite, hollowing out our connections. And the irony is, both parties are aware of the cause yet continue to let it unfold. The only bond immune to this termite is friendship. In friendships, when one acts unreasonably, the other quickly asks, ‘What’s the real issue? Stop making excuses.’ And we feel free to share our troubles with a friend, something we often can’t do in other relationships. That’s why relationships thrive when lovers are friends but falter after marriage, as rights and frustrations eat away at the bond. In our family, since our grandparents’ time, we’ve all lived as friends.”
Awestruck, Ankit stammered, “Brother… such… positivity… incredible! I think before getting married, my fiancée and I should spend some time at your home.” Both laughed, and Vikas replied, “You’re always welcome.”
Smiling, Ankit added, “Brother, it’s wonderful to hear your thoughts, but one question keeps coming to mind…” Before Ankit could continue, Vikas laughed, “I know what you’re about to ask. You’re wondering what to do if everything seems fine, but one day you feel an unspoken tension creeping into the relationship.”
Ankit nodded in surprise, and Vikas continued, “Friend, if you sense tension in a loving relationship, it means a crack is beginning to form. It may not be visible yet, but if the right steps aren’t taken, it will become evident over time. Don’t waste energy searching for or probing the cause. Instead, create an environment where everything comes to light naturally. Positivity is easy to show in a positive environment, but real positivity shines in a negative one.
“A widespread misconception is that when you sense tension in a relationship, you should give it space. That’s something you should do when everything is fine. When negativity arises, you should close the gap and give the other person time to recover while staying connected with positivity. Be prepared to hear unpleasant things, but keep spreading love and positivity without expecting anything in return. Just walk alongside them. Time will change, and it will change because of your positivity. Encourage, praise, embrace, and remind them of good times repeatedly.
“Psychology says that repetitive positive actions may not show immediate results, but they take root in the subconscious mind and eventually bring change. Well, now you have your answer. Off you go, brother. Listening to a morning lecture might get you into trouble with the boss.”
Before Vikas could say more, Ankit got up, saying, “Alright, brother. We’ll continue this discussion during lunch,” and walked toward his desk.