The moment the word “love” is mentioned, the mind conjures the image of lovers—then that of husband and wife, close relatives, family members, friends, and even unnamed relationships. However, as life’s sweet and bitter experiences surface, one cannot help but sigh, “Where is that love in relationships now?” Today, relationships feel like obligations or burdens, regardless of whether they carry any life within them. Almost every familial and social bond appears to be fraying, with cracks widening day by day.
The relationships between lovers or spouses have also begun to falter due to ego and unfounded suspicions.
In the context of today, there seems to be a flaw in the institution of marriage. Modern circumstances compel both husband and wife to step out of their homes for a livelihood. Both equally contribute to advancing society and the family. In such a scenario, it is necessary to adapt marriage traditions to ensure harmony in their relationship post-marriage. Earlier, parents chose the bride or groom for their children. But now, men and women stand on equal intellectual, economic, and social footing. Being equal stakeholders, they should choose their life partners themselves or be given sufficient time before marriage to understand each other. This would allow love to flourish once again in future societies.
Husbands and wives—or lovers—desire that their partner embodies every virtue and quality. However, they also wish that these virtues be displayed solely for them, not for others. Such expectations arise from the need to protect and secure their egos, with no other justification. For example, a wife or lover frequently asks her husband or partner how she looks. Implicit in this question is the belief that he possesses the discernment to recognize beauty—and if he possesses it, he might notice other women as well. However, upon seeing her husband glance at another woman, she becomes furious. Why? If she has acknowledged his discernment, why be upset when it is exercised elsewhere?
Had both partners known each other fully instead of merely assuming they did, such misunderstandings would not arise. The wife or lover would understand that while he is observing another, his emotions might stir, but his essence remains untouched. For she would truly know him. Such examples are a daily occurrence in many lives.
Yet, this does not happen in real life. The reason is either unknown to us or deliberately ignored. Let us explore this more openly: when you truly understand yourself, you begin to understand your beloved and their mind. The problem today is this lack of self-awareness. Before seeking to understand others, it is essential to first understand oneself. The bitterness in relationships—whether between lovers or spouses—stems from the false belief that we know each other, even when we have not fully understood ourselves.
Does your body listen to you? Does your mind obey you? Do you always act on your intentions?
No. Your body does not listen to you, nor does your mind. This means you lack control over yourself and do not fully know your body or mind. If you do not know yourself, how can you claim to know another? When your own actions and desires are inconsistent, how can you judge another’s actions based on appearance? Seeing and hearing are not always accurate, yet you rely heavily on them.
When you look at your reflection in the mirror, it appears as you are. But from the reflection’s perspective, it is reversed—your right becomes its left. Similarly, what you see may also be inverted, but your mind refuses to accept this because your love was born without understanding. And love without understanding is merely an emotion that can shatter at any moment. When such a breakup occurs, your mind torments you relentlessly with memories of that fracture. Eventually, the feeling dissipates, leaving behind a mechanical pretense of love devoid of essence. This is the state of most relationships today.
We must relearn that love is the union of two souls, not two bodies. In recent decades, we have given undue importance to the body. Perhaps through idol worship and elaborate rituals, our minds and spirits have also become inert. Just as we search for God in statues, temples, and scriptures, we search for love in another’s body. We have confined God to places of worship and texts, just as we now confine love to the beloved.
Consider this analogy: when a person enters a holy place, they feel the presence of the divine and become exceedingly humble. They clean the premises, bow before the divine, and may even clean others’ shoes. Observing this, you might think this person is deeply spiritual and virtuous. However, their true nature remains unchanged, and they resume their usual demeanor upon leaving. Witnessing such behavior repeatedly, your thoughts become rigid, leading you to believe that everyone is the same.
Why do you think this way? Because you do not truly know your beloved. If you truly knew them, there would be no room for doubt. And even if they were proven flawed despite your understanding, it would not matter. After all, they are also bound by the consequences of their actions. The law of motion ensures that their deeds will return to them. But why ruin your present? Why not let time or the divine take care of it? You struggle to do so because you do not truly know time or God, just as you do not truly know your beloved. You merely believe in them.
